How was your day today?

When I ask my four and a half year old son, "How was your day today?" and "What did you do at school today?" he commonly responds "Good" and "I don't remember." I know that this is not quite an accurate depiction of his eight hours away from us each day, yet I had no idea why this tends to be his response. It finally dawned on me today while I was out for a walk why he might respond in this way. Stay with me for a very lengthy connection.

Today my four month old daughter woke up upon arriving home after falling asleep in the car. When I tried to put her back to sleep on her bed, she wasn't having it. So, I decided to take her and the dog out for our typical neighborhood walk. Usually being out in fresh air, looking up at the trees and blue sky, and the motion of the stroller will entertain then lull her back to sleep. So, off we set. Well, first I had to put the baby in the car seat and set her on the front porch while I grabbed the stroller and the dog leash out of the car, went back in for the diaper bag and some water, put the car seat with the baby in the stroller, put the leash on the dog, then decide to just bring my phone and headphones and the poop bag and water without the diaper bag since we never need it mid-walk anyway (see where I'm going with this?). The first block and a half went great. Baby stared up into the trees and I got a few smiles. I began listening to a Motivating Moms podcast about Gratitude in Motherhood. The sun felt so good. The dog wasn't even pulling on the leash or barking at other dogs.

Then we got half way down the second block and the babe started to cry a bit. I grabbed the pacifier and she spit it out. I grabbed the pacifier again and tried to hold it in her mouth while awkwardly leaning over the stroller to push it as I managed to hold the dog leash in the other hand. Each time she seemed to start taking her pacifier on her own, I'd let go and stand up to push, then she'd spit it back out and start wailing. I figured I can deal with this for the two minutes it usually takes for her to conk out. Yet, two minutes of crying passed and she wasn't letting up. Ugh. Then I look across the street and some lady is walking towards me motioning to move the stroller side to side and I can sort of here her say to try that, but my podcast is still talking in my ears about having gratitude for all the little things in life. I was a little ticked that she thinks I need advice on how to calm my baby, but what the hell...I try it anyways. Nope...no magic there! I stopped the stroller and rested the dog leash on the stroller bar in order to grab the baby carrier and put her in it. After the few minutes of finagling with the straps and the little pillow she sits on she seemed to calm down a little.

I began walking the empty stroller and the dog with the baby in my front pack. She stayed calm for all of fifteen seconds. So, I began fiddling with the pacifier. Each time I tried to get the pacifier for her, the stroller began to off road. So, I gave up on the pacifier. "Maybe she's hungry," I thought. So, I take out the pillow under her, adjust the carrier straps, push down my non-nursing friendly sports bra and grab one breast for her to nurse on. Seemed to be working. Great. "Ahhh...this is motherhood and I'm so grateful for carriers that make this doable!" I thought as I awkwardly began again pushing the stroller with the same hand that was holding the dog leash since my other hand was still holding my breast to the babies mouth. I figured that was what the podcast would want me to be thinking. I didn't know for sure since I had fiercely ripped my earphones out and turned it off way back on the third or fourth block of our walk.

I continued about half a block before the dog leash got caught in the stroller wheel. As soon as I undid the tangle, I gave up on the breast feeding and began trying to give her the pacifier again. I didn't even get to the end of the block before the dog leash got caught up in the wheel again! At this point I was basically growling. Growling at the dog, growling at the stroller, at the leash, and even a little at the baby. Ugh. Growling is what we moms do when we don't want to swear. It's sort of a mumble combined with a deep guttural frustrated "I could scream so loud right now, but I'm in public" sound. I put the dog on the short leash and kept going.

 

At this point the baby began to calm down a bit and so along with worrying about not being able to get her to sleep, I began to worry that she was going to get super sunburned now and it would be all my fault. I also worried that she was just too damn hot since we are SO not used to eighty degree weather here. I picked up my pace as fast as the wobbly stroller and the dog on the short leash would let me. I was about a block and a half before home and realized that the baby finally fell asleep.

It was then that my emotions and worries dissipated and I realized that when my husband comes home later and asks how my day went and what we did all day, I'd respond with "Good" and "went for a walk." Because as real as the frustration and worries were in those moments on that walk today, the calm and sense of peace that came once baby was sleeping win out. When my four and a half year old gets home tonight and I ask him how his day was, I'll have a better understanding when he responds with good. I'll know that in that "good" are all the big emotions and little moments of the day that feel too basic and detailed to retell bit by bit. In "good" I'll hear that no matter what situations happened today the good ones won out. And thankfully just like this blog does for me, the details of his day may emerge later on his own terms when he wants to describe those big and small feelings and happenings of his day.