New moms, listen up. It is time to put on that little black dress again. Only this time you're not going dancing and drinking all night. You're not going to happy hour with your strappy heals and that hot man of yours. This time you are attending a funeral. This funeral is definitely sad, but no blood was lost. There will be tears, but there will be smiles and laughter too. This funeral is to mourn the loss of your prior self. That self with the big unstretched boobs and no C-section scar. That self that had time to worry about who to meet up with or who to call to catch up with each day. The self that only got wet when you were either turned on or working out (yeah...remember that?! Hopefully you're one of the lucky ones that has an insane ability to push through tough times and kept doing cross fit or whatever even while puking in your first trimester. I was not one of you people). Mourn the self that went to the gym, that went out for dinner, that traveled the world. Heck, let's mourn the self that went to the grocery store alone or maybe went to the grocery store romantically dancing with your man flirtatiously in the aisles to the piped in cheesy tunes. Hell, let's mourn the margaritas with friends, the laundry for one or two only, the long steamy and peaceful showers, the days where you knew parenthood was a hard job, but you just really didn't get it. Let's mourn our ignorance, our naivety. Please, new mom, go find a big ass candle right now and a blowtorch in memory of the person you once were.
Now, right now, you can go back and add those chew beads and burp clothes to your little black dress. Go light a new candle with a match you probably got at one of those clubs or happy hours in your prior life to recognize the journey you are now on. Let this candle recognize your new self; the one that is soaking in spit up, bowl movements, and breast milk. Maybe you're lucky and aren't that moist all the time (or are where it matters most if you know what I'm talkin 'bout 😘). But, even you sweetheart, have changed. Even you who is already back to work and/or using babysitters or nannys already. Even you who has already weaned your baby from the breast whether you wanted to or not. You have changed. You are no longer just you. You are an us, a we, a MOM with all caps. You feel guilty when you wish you could be a working mom. You feel guilty if you wish you were a stay at home mom. You feel guilty if you are not feeling guilty… You feel guilty with being content as a working mom or content as a stay at home mom. Let it all go mama! Stop the guilt. This is you.
You are doing your best to grow your baby. It's damn hard, but you can do it. Some days we all need pep talks to suck it up and deal, and suck it up we do. Right now mom, every minute might feel like eternity, but you've gotta keep the big picture in mind. You've gotta remember that by 12 or 18 months you might just be missing the snuggles and the less independent days. Or maybe you won't and that's ok too. You are a mom now and the best thing you can do is trust your motherly instincts. You've got good ones. You know what will work for you and you're family better than anyone. Better than any teacher or coach or parenting book author or blogger like myself. You most definitely know what's best for you, so please take all that I say with a grain of salt. This is a letter towards you, mama, so don't worry that I didn't write to your wonderful partner or extended family and friends just now. Right now we aren't mourning their prior lives and recognizing their current lives. Don't get me wrong, they are awesome and important and probably have changed a lot too, but right now we are talking about Y-O-U. You: hard working, sometimes scared, worried, nervous, anxious, guilt ridden and stressed. You: sometimes happy, calm, joyful and blessed self. You: who sometimes has all of those emotions in a matter of minutes. You: who is likely still hormonally imbalanced (no offense!). Look hard at that candle in front of the you right in this moment.
Now get out another ceremonial match and an even bigger more beautiful candle to commemorate the self you are about to become. The mom that will grow more and more independent again. The mom that lets go of all the internal pressures (because lets be honest, we are our own worst enemy and no one pressures us like ourself). The mom that gives up the guilt or at least recognizes that crap for what it is and moves on. This candle is seriously a shining light of hope. On your darkest mom moments. On your darkest mom days. When you feel like you would rather be doing anything else than changing diapers and rocking an overtired screaming baby, when you feel like you can't cry anymore, remember to have hope.
This is a candle to also represent perspective. Remember the long term. Remember that one day soon your baby will be a toddler, then a kindergartener then an 8th grader, then perhaps graduating college or having their own babies. Remember that you'll hear other parents tell you that preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school is the worst phase. Remember that you can listen to them and get worked up about it and dread that particular phase. Or you can choose to let it go in one ear and out the other, choosing to trust your mama instincts throughout each phase. You can choose to trust that no matter what phase your child is in, it may be hard, but that you both can and will get through it.
Good job mom. Good job for recognizing and celebrating the you that once was, the you that now is, and the you that you can be. Go ahead and let those candles glow and burn long and low as you hop back into those yoga pants and sweatshirt (the ones that actually make you look way better than they currently make you feel), and go hang out with other moms. Moms that have kids your child's age or moms that have kids a bit older than your child. Both are great to realize that #1: you actually do have it pretty good, #2: you may just be in a tough phase, #3: it's going to get easier more often soon enough, #4: you are doing an awesome job and finally #5: being in the presence of others who have similar thoughts and happenings is really freaking good for you.
Way to go mom. We tip our hats to the new you, the old you, and the you of the future because bottom line is…they all rock! Feel free to share with me other ways that you've found help to commemorate, celebrate the most significant change in your life. Please share here with our readers what you do to cope on your hardest moments. Maybe your kids have grown up and you had almost forgotten the most challenging times. Share that here to provide hope to our moms having a rough day gaining perspective. What else did this remind you of or make you think of? Maybe you've experienced a father who needs similar encouraging words. Share, share, share since we know sharing is caring and caring builds community.
No comments:
Post a Comment
What inspires you? What annoys you? What gets under your skin? Let's converse here...it all begins with a comment.