Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Dear husband

Dear Phil,
I cannot begin to explain how I feel about you at this important milestone in our lives. Five years after I married you (more like 5 years after you married me. since I was shocked that you would actually want to really spend your life with crazy ol' me) I love you more each day.

On our wedding day, I loved you in the exciting, hormones raging, new as new can be kind of way/ I loved that you respected me. I loved that you treated me right in front of friends and family and behind closed doors. I loved that we shared interests like design, photography, having a great time (also known as partying). I loved that you were already so loyal. I loved that you put up with my crying for no reason, my crying because I drank too much, my crying because I missed my family and friends. I loved that you put up with my picky eating, my neglect of all things house related, and my lack of cooking, cleaning, and DIYing skills. I was amazed at your ability to learn and teach yourself about whatever you wanted and your ability to do it really well. I was thankful that you thought family was important and that you were open to accepting Judaism in our lives. I was giddy at the idea of adventures together, of someday having children together. I could see us sitting on those rocking chairs out on a porch somewhere reminiscing about our good ol' days and I felt calm about it. When I married you, I felt like the luckiest girl around. I felt like there couldn't be a happier couple that was truly meant for each other as much as we were. I truly felt blessed and like there must be a higher power out there that brought you to me. I also felt like we'd won the jackpot since most couples who have the kind of magnetic chemistry physically don't often have the same level of the makings of a great marriage (respect, trust. honesty) like we did. That day the only hesitations that I put aside were your extreme love of sleep over other activities and the fact that you occasionally were uninterested in getting physical when I was.

Today, five years later I still love you for all of those reasons. But, now my love has real life with it. My love for you is comfortable. It can still be exciting, but it's cozy, familiar, reliable. Now, those things that I was pretty sure I could depend on you for like trust, honesty, and respect have real life memories and examples for how you continue to uphold our marriage and support me. I was in awe back then because I still couldn't believe you chose me back. I am in awe now at the way you continue to love me and support me. I am in love with you exponentially since becoming parents together. I always expected to love watching you with Micah; to love watching you be a Daddy. What I didn't expect was the way you would make me feel like a Good Mom each day (or each hour on the hardest days). What I never saw coming was the way that my love for you grew until it felt like it was about to burst on the day that Micah was born. Even through the cloud of labor pains, I saw the fear in your eyes as I entered that C-section surgery and I couldn't believe how much you really loved us. As if I thought my love for you couldn't grow more than that day, it continued. The way you cared for me after surgery and while breastfeeding Micah were the sweetest, kindest, most loving acts I've experienced. I know I probably sounded nagging sometimes and acted like you haven't been doing a lot, each night when I went to feed Micah after his bath I was pleasantly surprised to find the nightlight on, Goodnight Moon out, a full glass of water and my IPad waiting for me. Each night I was surprised at your continued thoughtfulness. I always wanted only two kids until I met you. I know that we can have more because you are the most supportive co-parent a woman could ever ask for. I also can't even begin to describe how you blew me away with each little (or big) project you accomplished on the remodel. You almost never tell me no. If I find something on pinterest, you mostly say "sure, i can make that" or "we can do that". Yes, those are material things, but they are not inconsequential. I would be kidding if I ignored how much material goods matter in maintaing and growing relationships. 

Five years later my love for you has not diminished in the slightest way. It grows and grows and grows and grows. I am so proud of us. We have accomplished so much together in five years. We have really had some challenging times (living in grey rainy Seattle, how could we not!?). We may occasionally use some not so nice words at each other or raise our voices, but overall I think we fight fair. I think we respect each other and treat each other the way we deserve. Five years later, I know that I will never give up on what we have. I am excited to share more memories. I am a bit nervous about how difficult parenting is going to be at times, but I am excited to experience it all together.

Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for being an amazing dad to Micah (and Charlie). Thank you for continuing to choose me as your wife every day. I love you the whole wide world.


*We celebrated our fifth anniversary at the Cedarbrook Lodge in SeaTac for our first night away from Micah. Micah and Charlie got to be with their Gramma Susan all night and we got to celebrate with an amazing dinner at the Copperleaf Restaurant (where I had the best meal of my life in 2011). It was such a nice relaxing staycation and such a treat to return home to lots of slobbery kisses from our little one. 

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