Friday, June 28, 2013

A Second Wedding (sort of)...

*Tonight we are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary (which is super crazy and unbelievable!). In honor I thought I'd share a little what if scenario for you all.

If I could do my wedding over again, I would...
  • Ask my  brother's girlfriend sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid. We pretty much knew my brother was hooked...I just wasn't completely convinced that this amazing girl would really choose my annoying brother for the rest of her life! Still she was there the whole weekend helping me get ready, steaming my dress, running errands, and being a great witness and support to the marriage I was about to enter, so it would have been nice to have her in all those bridal party pictures.

  • Find a cheaper venue to be able to invite the B and C list. This one is a tough one since I really did love our venue (The Hotel Valencia on Santana Row in San Jose, CA), but it did have a pricey middle of the wedding spectrum cost per person and it had a max of 160 people or so. Yes to some of you that sounds like a lot of people, but I can still think of many people that have been witnesses and supports in my life whom I wish we had invited. I can also think of a few who didn't pan out to be lifelong friends, yet I am ok with that since life is ever evolving and we need those right now people too.

  • Not have tuxes! Ahh the black dress and tuxes look was all the rage five years ago in those pre-Pinterest wedding planning days. That look definitely fit the venue and was still aligned with my sense of self at the time (type A leaning, citygirl, modern architecture enthusiast) yet if I had my wedding today you would see a completely different look that said Relaxed rather than Modern. Guys in white button downs and khaki shorts and girls in a dress of their choice. That was always the plan until I found matching bridesmaids dresses that were cheap enough and approved by the Maid of Honor. But none of the dresses ended up fitting right and a few of my girls were uncomfortable. Boo. Definitely dresses of their choice.

  • Meet with the videographer ahead of time in person. I don't know if that would have changed anything, but we did not get what we were hoping for. But, it's a bit of a cheesy reminder of our special day. We wanted cheesy, just in the silly drunken awkward guest interview sense, not in the here is a two minute "creative" shot of the insignificant water fountain sense.

  • Register for timeless items! I'd choose a solid color for our dishes and then later accent with chargers or napkins or other decorations. I can't blame ourselves for already wanting to re-register for house items since It's super tough to know what you will want when you don't know what kind of home you'll have. The best gifts were the pots and pans set, everyday dish sets, and handmade gifts.

  • Screen people's dates. Just kidding. If you love your friends dearly than you can hopefully have some great stories and good laughs out of their ridiculously drunk and annoying date who squeezes the living daylights out of everyone,  swears up a storm, and gets upset when the bartenders try to cut her off. Just saying...! Also, if you are debating about whether to invite a plus one for a single friend, just do it. We did not and I've felt guilty about it ever since. In fact I often wonder if that might be why my good friend didn't even come! Basically inviting a guest is the respectful thing to do even if it slightly changes the dynamic and even if it costs you a lot of money.

  • Sit down with my dad and look at song lyrics for our father-daughter dance together before the wedding. I was so excited about the song I chose for my father daughter dance, thinking it would bring my dad to tears when he heard the lyrics, but there was just too much going on to really focus on the lyrics. Oh well. It was still a wonderful moment, just could have been a little more sentimental had we picked out a song together. 

  • Write our own vows. I remember thinking there was no way I could possibly come up with anything meaningful and non-cliche or cheesy to write. I also thought that would be a bit torturous for Phil. I think deep down inside I also felt like it would set myself up for unmet expectations hoping for something beautiful and brilliant from Phil then being slightly disappointed with hearing something cliche and short. So, we opted out. Having been to a lot more weddings since ours, I can say that it is always something special and non-cliche or cheesy when the bride and groom write their own vows. It is tough when you've only been together two or three years and haven't faced many challenges together to feel original yet I think it would be important to try. I always thought people who renew their vows often are crazy, but five years in with one child...I totally get it. Why not publicly share how amazing that person is and take the time to celebrate the challenges you've faced and made it through? Get prepared world for a Vrbas vow renewal in 2018. It's going to be epic and most importantly truly from the heart. Sorry Phil, but you've been sufficiently warned!

Things I wouldn't change at all:
  • Our photographer (Nicole Goddard) : Ah-mazing. 'Nuf said. ;-)
  • Our handmade paper flowers by Anemone Paper Flowers. Still have my bouquet and it was way better than anything I could have attempted to DIY (I'm not crafty like Stephanie James Morrison)

  • The handmade chuppah by my mom and maid of honor. That reminds me that I wanted to get that either hung on the wall or turned into a quilt for our bed!

  • Not DIYing anything (I guess technically we DIYed the CFL energy saving favors, but again my mom and Maid of Honor helped so much that it didn't seem like DIY). 

  • Having Rabbi Eisner officiate. We loved how personal and meaningful and engaging to all his sermon was. It pretty much made up for the lack of our own handwritten vows.

  • My wonderful Great Aunt Ginny as a wedding planner. Even if at times I had to stick to my guns on things (like no paper napkins) and at times I gave in to her strong suggestions (like hire a florist), the experience and entire engagement year brought me a lot closer to my Papas little sister, which made the wedding week that much more special. 

  • Not having a photo booth. I really super wanted one and it just didn't work out. Now I'm so glad. Don't get me wrong... I love photo booths, but I also love a great dance party and the weddings that I've been to that have photo booths seem to steal away dancers and divert a lot of the focus to the photo booth. 

Thanks for reminiscing with me on all the possible do-overs. Go ahead and learn from my mistakes or our successes or both. While saying that we would change all those things, really it was the best day of my life (pre-Micah of I have two best days!). I doubt I'd be able to now that I'm old and 30 and a mom, but I'd love to party with family and friends until 4 in the morning again! What would you do differently regarding your own wedding or what would your ideal wedding be like? Let us know in the comments section!

No comments:

Post a Comment

What inspires you? What annoys you? What gets under your skin? Let's converse all begins with a comment.