It has only been two full days back at work, yet I can tell that for the rest of my working life, I will be stuck on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. There are definite highs (when I have five and six year olds hugging me, smiling at me, having major aha learning moments, needing my love and praise, etc.) and definite lows (leaving Micah each morning while he watches with a longing gaze as I head out the door). I know that I have one of the best situations out there because Micah is being watched by his own Gramma Susan every day at his own house. We couldn't have it better or easier in that sense. I am so thankful for her. I truly do not have to think or worry about him during the day. Luckily I truly do love my job. The last two days have been wonderful in the sense that I feel like my old self again, I am teaching and learning and growing and changing as a person, and Micah has reacted nicely upon my return each evening. It's just emotional when I get to thinking about all the little moments I'm missing with him. All the things I probably won't see him do. All the snuggles and kisses I'm missing out on. I love my little guy so much. And I already love and care about my students so much.
I feel like the word of the week is patience. I've asked my students to have patience with me since I am learning the schedule and multiple new curricula and am also trying to learn and maintain routines that my sub began. I pray that Micah has patience with me and with missing me and that some day he will understand my desire to keep working (even though I feel like I am forever going to be in this place where every time I'm with him I don't want to leave him and every time I'm with my students I feel like I'm doing the right thing). I am also working on patience. Patience with coworkers, patience with staff meetings and professional development, and most importantly patience with pumping. Up, down, up, down...as is life, especially for this new "working mom".
I took these photos of Micah last week on my last official day off. I can't choose just a few, so I'm just going to inundate you with photos of him. :-)
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| Our little verbalizer |
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| Working out his core |
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| Loves those feet! |
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| Trying to put everything in his mouth that he can! |
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| Our happy 20 week old boy! |
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| Loving those feet again! |
You're right, this roller coaster we are on as working moms never stops! You can be so fulfilled in both arenas yet never feel like you're giving 100% in either (not to mention in your marriage, too) it's a really tough balance, one that I'm forever searching for. Just go easy on yourself as you find what works for you. I "try" to leave work at work as much as I can so when I'm home I'm present for my family. But occasionally I have to stay late or go in on a weekend to make that happen. Oh, and the pumping! Good luck!
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